Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Starting Debate series...

Since we have been looking forward to put up some interesting debates...here is the first in the ring!

Are you allowed to fall in love AGAIN? Let us debate with various circumstances and our stand on each of them.


  1. Wow super topic. I feel hum ek bar jeet hai ek bar marrr te hai aur pyar vo bhi ek hi bar hota hai.

  2. Uma cheers, I second ur opinion. To elaborate on the topic, one has to first fall out of love of the first one to fall for AGAIN. Most of the people I have met are very very happy with their partners, but also met a couple of few who are totally miserable, but then if I analysed them, I found that they themselves were so pathetic that they just wouldn't know if love really crossed them.
    I think we are really lucky to be born in India, where love has a totally different meaning than that in the West. Love here is very strong, stands through all trying times and doesn't wither with a gust of wind. Of us love is for keeps.

  3. Very true bhabhi. If you keep falling in and out of love then its more like an infatuation than mature true love. And love doesnt happen overnight or in a day it grows gradually over a period of time. And you dont need to keep saying " i love you" to express your love its just understood by small insignificant things.

  4. Here is my take: I feel you CAN fall in love AGAIN.....
    I agree that one has to fall out of love first....and then it is pretty much possible and APPROPRIATE if you fall in love again. Let me try and give some situations and examples:
    1) Couple fall in love, get married, and are happily living together. Unfortunately there is untimely death of one of the partner. Are you trying to say that the partner left behind has no right to fall in love again? Be it 25 yr old or 50, you can fall in love again. It is not disrespect to the partner who has gone, the existing one if he/she is trying to LIVE his life, what is wrong if he/she finds someone worth loving?
    2) Ok, above is circumstantial. See this...Say couple fall in love, get married and are happily living together. Over period of time, partners realize that initially they had been too accommodating but with routine perhaps they realize their thought process is not matching. Both want something different from their lives and together they cannot achieve it. They love each other as partners but they may not be compatible on other levels. In such scenario, they meet another partner who completely understands and wants same things from life as theirs. It is natural to stray away from partner you got married to and fall in love with compatible other partner. So are you expecting this person to keep compromising just because you cannot love again? Well you may argue that what if second partner also over time is not interesting? How many times will you jump? My counter would be...why are you counting how many times you are jumping? Instead focus that energy in making relation work and go towards life you desire to have. It should be with the right partner, not necessary first partner only
    3) Take another instance. Girl and boy in love. Parents disagree. They decide to respect their parents (Thanks to Indian Culture) and get married to chosen partners by parents. Say the boy loved another girl or vice-versa. They commensurate their marriage and fulfill all demands of "happy married life" but remember the boy loved his girl dearly and still holds her in his heart in some corner. But he respects his wife and does all duties expected out of good husband. If your love concept was just once, how did such marriage survive?
    4) Alright...let us ditch the marriage from here. In courtship, you realized that you do not wish to be this partner for reasons known to you. For reasons you feel you cannot compromise. But since we have announced we are in love, we have no right to come out of that? We have no right to correct our lives by finding that one correct person?
    What and whom are we afraid of? What people will talk? What society will say?You live for yourself or people?
    Love can happen as many times but I only believe that you cannot be in love with more than one person at a time. True love can happen more than once is my take.

  5. Madhavi, very well said and well written. I am completely in sync with your views. If I would pen them down then would be very similar to what you have written. Just because we are committed to one relationship doesn't mean we should stick on there and cry the whole life. Instead, move on and take chances in the unknown. Its better then to stay behind in your past, holding the grudges and hoping for a change. Kyuki hum ek hi bar jeete hain.....

  6. Cheers Sweta, agree with your thoughts.

    Can we hear it from rest??

  7. Madhavi here I go on your post :
    The first category - yes if you loose your partner - an untimely death - then definitely yes, go for a second chance - We have already all of us agreed on this earlier in Swetas post.
    The second category - we will discuss shortly.
    The third category - they are not worth considering at all. What kind of a person are you if you give the reason of parental pressure to forgo love. You do not have the right to love if you cannot stand by it.
    The fourth category : Courtship is a time for testing and understanding. This is the time where you judge the other person. Do not rush, Many say that it is during this time that people put on their best behaviour, but if you have your brains in proper place - you definitely can identify a fake behaviour.
    During this period you definitely have the right to change your mind - even if you have said I love you.
    Now about the second category - You should marry a person only after getting in sync with him/her. Your basic thoughts should match. Then as you go through life there are many turns and twists, It is during these periods how you two adjusts - leads to the further course. People fall apart when the me takes precedence over we. It is the lack of understanding that leads one to find second love - Or rather it is an easy way out. Breaking seems an easy way out.
    Fortunately I haven't come across any Second chance couples, the only ones I have seen is in movies. ( Though the movies in themselves have been classics and some my favourite ones - I am appalled by the reason for which they separate.) When you come together for the wrong reason then separation is bound to happen.As in case of Poornima - she married Guru who was much much senior to her - differences were bound to happen.
    So Gurlz just remember that marriage has to be for the right reason, and needs to be worked on it.

  8. Bhabhi...I disagree for point 2 and 3. Everything cannot be Black & White. Reasons that may seem stupid to you and me are worthwhile for them. There is a threshold as to how much can one keep working on marriage. If it is not working out...it is not. Better to accept that and make wiser choices than to insist on making broken bonds work. The debate is about whether it is alright to love again....and we gave a few situations. If you put yourself in their shoes perhaps you will see things in different perspective.
    I am not saying walk out at first sign of disagreement, but if your brain tells you it is not going to work out after all doable options, dont force your heart out :) It is ALRIGHT to fall in love AGAIN if it is morally justified for that individual.
    We are fortunate Senoritas to have our life partners the way they are and god bless us with long compatibility :)


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