Saturday, 26 July 2014

What HE SAYS and What HE actually MEANS....

Read this article in Times yesterday, thought it was powerful to be discussed here. So typing out the crux of the article. Below are the lines used in relationship between man & woman. Scott Milnes decodes:

1) Its not YOU, its ME....
    What it means: I think I deserve better or we both deserve better...
     Why is it used: It tries to ease the blow of hurting the person. Essentially it like things not working out for                               us.
    What Next: Your partner is just not into you anymore..but does not have the courage to say so...let go

2) I love you but sometimes Love is not enough.....
    What it means: I am seeking more excitement and passion....
    Why is it used: There is phase of boredom already in the relationship
    What Next: Your partner is too weeny anyways and does not find you exciting. It is alright & normal

3) I am not ready for a relationship OR Give me some time....
    What it means: I am not ready for a relationship ---with you. Or I need to be convinced if this is worth
    Why is it used: Relationship that is moving too fast..emotionally or physically unsettles them.
    What Next: Give Your partner the time...it may reverse....hopefully

4) May be we should see other people...
    What it means: I need to look at other options as well and not feel guilty doing it behind your back
     Why is it used: They are hoping that you do not see others and if they do not meet the right, they can still                                come back to you.
    What Next: Let your partner see others, chances are they already are. You deserve better too.

1) I need SPACE....
    What it means: You are suffocating me and I need to focus on someone else OR some goal..
    Why is it used: You have really driven this person to walls and he/she doesnt want to invest in you
    What Next: Your partner create out space for someone else and in return appreciate you for what you                              are.

When you accept things, things gets manageable. You cannot dictate if you want to be in someone's life, that someone has to allow you to be part of his/her life. Your behavior should be such that person WANTS you in their life. 

3 comments:

  1. Actually speaking I cannot relate to this article, Chandan and me are in each others life 24/7 literally and there has never been a necessity of having your space or mine - Once we create a world which is OURS and work towards making it better and better then all the above are immaterial.
    This is more of a concept of the west which the younger generation of today and accepting as they feel that it will give them more freedom.
    I think I have all my freedom by staying within my bond.

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  2. I am happy Bhabhi that you do not relate to this article. Good for you :)

    I relate to the article and I strongly believe in personal space. That does not mean that I love my husband or my children any less or I have any constraint. I believe in "ME" time and I believe every individual needs that space. You need that space for self introspection...you need to talk to yourself about what is not right or what can get better in your life first. You can very well then share it with your partner. There are things that not necessary you and your partner will like to do together always...profession may be different, hobbies may be different, outlook to life may be different and since you NEED to re-live your joys...you need your space. Similarly if your partner needs space to do their things, you should let them. You dont have to forcefully involve them in everything you like OR you get involved in everything they want to do -- whether you like it or no. This way you come to respect each other more and appreciate each other more.
    Mind you, Point 1-4 are generally for the unmarried or in courtship...hence their situation is very different from your and mine. But point 5, I respect it personally and I have applied it personally and I must say that this SPACE gives me the spirit, strength and motivation to look up to my life happily. It is the refreshing splash of happiness.

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